When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field
maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.
The sergeant’s reply: “Completely, sir.”
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My high school assignment
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served
in the Philippines during the war,
I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
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When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. !
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We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, “Has anyone seen my grenade?”
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My 90-year-old dad was giving
a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”
He replied, “When they stopped shooting at me.”
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From a pilot :
The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
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soldiers and........ Officers :
When I spotted a Navy captain
on the street, I saluted and bellowed, “LST 395,” which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II.
The captain returned my salute and responded, “LMD 67.”
“What’s an LMD?” I asked.
“Large mahogany desk.”
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Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.
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It was sheer brilliance. The ship’s operations officer entered
the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Rather than move, he called the bridge: “Hey,” he said, “can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thanks.”
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Aïeu ! :
“Halt!” shouted our drill
instructor. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Our instructor approached the
directionally challenged Marine
and stomped on his left foot. “Now,” he said, “when I say ‘left,’ it’s the
one that hurts.”
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During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. I walked into the orderly’s room and asked Sarge if
I could borrow his master key.
“Why, certainly, young man,” he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters.
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Aïeu... pov guy
A navy guy went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting. He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine. The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs 270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The navy guy said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."