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Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

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Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 1  Nouveau message de iffig  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 08:04

Une occasion de réviser son anglais ..... ::mortderire::

Début du message-Début du message-Début du message-Début du message-Début du message-Début du message-Début du message-Début du message.


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states,

The R.H. Theresa May, P.M. will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Fin du message-fin du message--fin du message-fin du message--fin du message-fin du message--fin du message-fin du message--fin du message.
Candide : Il faut cultiver notre jardin.
Pangloss : certes, il est un peu nekulturny ; mais s'agissant d'un blaireau, ne faudrait-il pas dire "élever" ?
Candide : Pangloss, ça suffit avec ta métaphysico-théologo-cosmolonigologie et tes locutions allemandes.

Page biffée et non retenue du Candide
Archives Voltaire, sous la cote F XXV 38 T.
Château de Ferney-Voltaire


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Re: Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 2  Nouveau message de frontovik 14  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 08:50

Merci pour ce partage. :-):-):-)
"Je ne vous apporte pas la liberté, je l'ai trouvée ici, parmi vous". Skënderbeg.


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Re: Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 3  Nouveau message de GBW067  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 09:41

Fais ce que dois, advienne que pourra

Ma bibliothèque (en cours de saisie)


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Re: Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 4  Nouveau message de foxbat  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 10:12

Si Lafayette se réincarnait, je suggère de le kidnapper avant qu'il ne franchisse l'Océan!

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Re: Elections aux Etats-Unis :

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 5  Nouveau message de Dog Red  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 11:11

Ha! Voilà!
La perfide Albion abat ses cartes ! Voilà pourquoi le Brexit a été voté !
Il ne reste qu'à s'incliner devant un tel sens de la stratégie !
::ok je sors::
« Les gens pensaient que je portais mes grenades telles une posture d’acteur. Ce n’était pas correct. Elles étaient purement utilitaires. Plus d’une fois en Europe et Corée, des hommes en difficulté trouvèrent le salut à coups de grenades »

General Matthew B. RIDGWAY, XVIII US Airborne Corps Commander, Ardennes 1944


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Re: Elections aux Etats-Unis : intervention de Sa Majesté Elizabeth II

Nouveau message Post Numéro: 6  Nouveau message de Prosper Vandenbroucke  Nouveau message 16 Sep 2016, 14:22

::mortderire:: ::mortderire:: ::mortderire:: ::mortderire:: Ok ::ok je sors::
L'Union fait la force -- Eendracht maakt macht


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